One minute in hell...

     OK,  I sit here as the crescendo of a snore gets louder by the minute...and I need to go to my happy place before I bludgeon Big D aka Kathy Bates style via Stephen King's Misery...because I can only take so much, and don't  judge me people until you've spent a little minute in hell walkin in my proverbial sad little Big D snoring shoes and you've heard a snippet of this...

Do you hear Bridesmaids playing in the background?!  It's the only thing between me and 5-20 in the state pen...

 I spend inordinate amounts of time doing things like
clearing my THROAT AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE, or gently...very calmly, and subtly screaming

SERIOUSLY STOP ALREADY
SSSHHHHH
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ZIP IT!!!!
These are my coping mechanisms...

 

It's just the right amount of I-think-I might-hurt-you-if-no-one-found-out-but-i-still-kind-of like you-and FYI-'what do I say to the kids', and how many bones would I have to bribe the dogs with to keep m'secret already...How many sweet little furry boys??  Stop judging me with that blue eye Blue!

 It's all so complicated and so very seedy I tell you...-and I can't do the whole women in prison thing...I'm not equipped...

It's just not like the Sleep Apnea sort of snore that requires a major head gear device, and it's not THIS thank God...

So I shall go to my happy place of me in the place of 

Rachel McAdams in the Notebook with m'boyfriend Ryan-oh-yes-you-will-be-mine-

Gosling...

or Emma Stone in Crazy Stupid Love...I think they should date, they would be adorable...

And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to fall asleep...